Hello everyone,
Happy holidays and above all, have a wonderful new year.
Per usual, with a new year approaching, I did some reflecting the other day and while doing so, a few things came to mind that I wanted to shed light on. So much happened in the past year, starting graduate school, my 24th birthday, solo trips and testing out photography. I had high and low moments, experiences that made me question my self-worth and losing people but in the process, found myself. These were the highlights of my past year but also were some of the most challenging moments.
Looking back, the good and the bad were the silver lining, leading me to a fuller, more developed version of myself. Bringing me closer to dreams that are becoming my reality. With that said, I want to share my reflections with you in hopes it is a silver lining for whatever you’re experiencing while heading into your new year.
On 2019:
Self-Worth - 2019 is ending, and yet, the question “Am I worthy?” has been a constant buzz in my mind. As a twenty-something woman of color, navigating adulthood and the world is exhilarating, exhausting and tough but rewarding. I consider myself a self-confident person, ready to place myself in uncomfortable situations. Yet, the past year has been tough as I relearn to embrace my own insecurities. Whether that is in believing my own professional skills, embracing my physical appearance or in my individuality as a blogger. Self-worth is a process I know I will not always perfect but I am learning to recognize that I am worthy of all that is good, for all that I am.
Self-Care - There are moments I don’t want to do anything and just take a bubble bath while I listen to my favorite songs on repeat. Yet, I’m in constant battle with the notion that I should be hustling until I achieve something before resting. Perhaps this mindset is due to being a child of refugees, a millennial value or being an Enneagram Type 8. Or a combination of all three (most likely). In 2019, I was working nonstop and when I wasn’t at work, I was either working on stuff for graduate school or completing other personal projects. As a result, 2019 was the year my wellness declined. I got sick A LOT. And it took me more than several days to recover. Due to this, I am learning to tell myself that I am worthy of love and self-care. That my hard work is deserving of breaks. Perhaps one of the most important lessons I learned in 2019 is to give myself grace in the need for self-care.
Self-Advocacy - 2019 exposed me to experiences that had me question my self-worth in relation to microaggressions, harassment, ageism and sexism in the workplace. When it comes to harassment and discrimination, it is never okay. Although the reason is unfortunate, I learned in the midst of workplace discrimination I needed a “safe space” and to find allies in trusted colleagues. Doing so, helped me process verbally what I was experiencing but also validated that what I was experiencing is inexcusable. It taught me the power of self-advocacy and to demand equity in the midst of adversity. Hence, if you experience discrimination in an area of your life, do not be afraid to call it out. You are worthy and deserving of a just and equitable environment.
Being Alone - As an ambivert, I like solitude. To be my myself and do whatever my heart desires, yet, loving the company of people and being in large crowds. However, 2019 made me realize I had never truly been, alone. This is to say when I started graduate school in the past year, I moved out on my own for my assistantship. Before that, I either lived with my family or roommates with my sister in undergraduate. The first night at my apartment, it was strangely quiet. I had no idea what to do with myself. Although I have gone to events by myself or treated myself alone to dinner, this was different. In a way, living by myself taught me the importance of actually being alone for long periods of time. I was rediscovering who I was and learning traits about myself I didn’t know before. Although I was independent before, living alone was a whole new level of being independent. I talk to myself a lot at home (LOL), I am attuned to myself, and I’m on my own time. I love it. However, this also taught me the importance of communication. I am learning to stay in touch with family and friends and to hold myself accountable if I have not been in touch.
This experience encouraged me to go on solo trips in 2019. Although I have gone on previous trips without family, such as studying abroad or a volunteer trip to Japan, I was always traveling with a group of people. In 2019, I challenged myself to travel alone. And it was amazing. Traveling alone taught me the value of enjoying my own company and self-reliance. It’s cliche, but traveling or living alone are life-changing. It’s broadened my perspective on being alone and increased my value for solitude.
2019 has been a heartwarming and incredible year. These experiences led me to the silver lining of my own development as a twenty-something woman. Leading me to discover and appreciate my self-worth, advocating for myself, the importance of -self-care and the power of being alone. My hope is that this personal reflection is a silver lining for your end of the year as you prepare for 2020.
What are your 2019 silver linings?
Thank you for reading!
Keetha, Lately
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