Navigating friendships in your twenties is tough. Everyone (yourself included) is experiencing new and exciting life events: moving out-of-state for a new job, beginning graduate school or starting a family. The point is, people experience different life stages at different times of their life. As friends, this may mean you do not experience all life events together. It is a tough reality, of course you want to be involved in every significant moment of a friend’s life but sometimes it is not so easy. When this happens, it feels you are drifting apart as you may have less in common.
As a result, less time is spent with friends, communication is lost and slowly… you lose touch. It does not mean you had a falling out or no longer care for the other, it’s a way of life. I hate to admit but I too am guilty of this; losing touch with friends after investing in my career or beginning graduate school. However, how do you continue to nourish friendships and make time for the people you care about while also holding onto your goals and keeping up with life?
Here are suggestions to navigate friendships and stay in touch:
Hold Yourself Accountable
By this, I mean, if you feel and believe you are not putting in as much effort into your friendships, admit it. This helps you reflect on and understand how you can improve the situation. Additionally, it can help you identify what you can and cannot do. For example, are you on a budget and can’t afford to do biweekly brunch with friends or is taking care of a family member a priority at the moment?
Communicate with friends what is happening in your life and why you have been distant. Be vulnerable. If they are truly your friends, they will understand. Not only are you holding yourself accountable to being honest but you are opening your friendship to future conversations that are honest and transparent about what is happening in your life and theirs. This can add to and strengthen your friendship.
Support your Friends
Again, you and your friends may be at different life stages. One could be getting married, recently started a serious relationship and the other just bought their first home while you have recently started a new job. Sometimes, these differences may feel like friends are ahead in their life. My advice is, cut this train of thought right away! It is unhealthy for your wellbeing. Most importantly, there is no right or wrong order to life stages, it will happen when it is right for you. Additionally, it is important to remember all people have their ups and downs. Instead of feeling envious or left behind, express genuine happiness for friends. Finally, ask how you can offer support during their new life stage.
Make Spontaneous Plans
Sticking to monthly brunch or dinner plans with friends is fun but it can only offer so much. Sometimes these plans may last 1-3 hours and much of that time is spent catching up on each other’s lives and learning what’s new. Before you know it you’ve paid the bill, heading out the door and hugging your friends goodbye. Although these moments are meaningful, it doesn’t include the experiences you can be growing together.
Make an effort to text friends and make weekly plans. Is there a painting night or concert happening this week you’ve been wanting to attend? Ask a friend! Sign-up for a spin class with each other, make dinner together or explore your city with friends. The possibilities are endless. The worst case scenario is none of your friends are able to go. And that is completely OKAY. If you are comfortable, make this plan with yourself. It’s intimidating and probably uncomfortable at first, however, one of the most important friendships you should be nourishing is the one with yourself. Don’t forget this as you navigate your own life stages.
Friendships are tough especially when you are at different life stages and navigating your twenties. I hope these recommendations help you reflect on and understand how to nourish the connection within yourself and others.
What are ways you stay close with friends?
Thanks for reading!
Style. Sass. Spirit.
Keetha, Lately
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