As an Asian woman, dating is HARD. I understand it is hard for anyone regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity and the list goes on. However, for this post I will focus primarily on my experience in dating as a straight, cis-gender Asian woman.
The other day I was discussing with a friend the roller-coaster we call “dating.” It started with sharing our best and worst dates then eventually led to the topic of dating as an Asian woman. And damn, did we have a lot to deconstruct about yellow fever, unboxing the fetishization of Asian women and misogyny.
More than once, I have had dates make comments such as, “I’ve never dated an Asian girl, what is it like?” or “I like Asian girls better, you’re fun.”
Let’s not forget the cat calls and unwarranted messages on social media and dating apps such as “Ni Hao baby,” “I’ve never been with an Asian girl, I’ve heard you make good girlfriends,” or “Girl, me love you long time.” And yes, these are actual encounters I’ve had with men during my dating experiences.
Like, WHAT THE ACTUAL F*CK?? In more ways than one, these comments are dehumanizing and linked to so much history of misogyny, stereotypes and microaggressions about Asian women. Further, let’s not pretend we don’t know that Asian women are fetishized as subservient or objectified due to cultural identity. It’s presented so often in pop culture, literature and in films. Additionally, Asian men also encounter stereotypical challenges; particularly in being viewed as undesirable due to the portrayal of Asian men in mass media and pop culture. However, that is a conversation for another post.
I once had a conversation with a date about the fetishization and stereotypes of Asian women. Although he meant well, he did not fully understand why the fetishization of Asian women is an issue. I get it, although the fetishization of Asian women rates on the positive side of the unfortunate stereotypes or misogynistic ideas in society, it is still problematic. Problematic because it boxes Asian women into an ideal standard that Asian women should not have to meet. And for some ridiculous notion, the fetishization of Asian women contributes to society’s entitlement that people can openly nose around an Asian woman’s business on how she is sexually, what makes her a good girlfriend and for men to “man-splain” her entire existence.
Well, guess what? Asian women do not exist to boost your ego or to make your yellow fever fantasies come to life. So you can walk your misogynistic and entitled-self out the door because I am not here for that BS.
So, my dear readers, regardless if you are an Asian woman or no matter your gender identity and race, if you happen to encounter a situation as those mentioned above CALL IT OUT. It is 2019 and Asian women should not have to put up with the ignorance. What you can do:
Cat Calls or Comments: Depending on the situation and if you determine it is safe, give them the ultimate clapback. You do not have to put up with their stereotypes and it is time they are educated.
On Social Media or Dating Apps: First, screenshot because you need the receipt. Also for me, in these situations, I promptly ghost and block them because I do not have the patience to deal with someone in the internet realm. Nothing feels better than leaving someone on-read to ponder what they did wrong. Let them stew.
Strike a Conversation: Sometimes, you just have to strike a civil conversation. Throw a question right at them on why they have these assumptions or stereotypes about Asian women. It forces them to answer their own unconscious ignorance and opens the dialogue up for some learning on their end.
Finally, do not be afraid to call someone out for their misogynistic behavior. When I feel discouraged or anxious to offend someone, I remind myself that my mother did not raise me to conform to misogynistic ideals and if they think clapping back makes me a bossy b*tch, then they are correct. LMAO. Remember who you are and clapback, it is time people learn why the fetishization of Asian women is problematic. Nothing feels better than standing up against misogyny.
What are some of your tips in addressing misogynistic comments or catcalls? Thanks for reading.
Style. Sass. Spirit.
Keetha, Lately
Comentarios